Stop being a di** and communicate with your heart

Relationships and how we communicate have always intrigued me. There are so many factors that define how we communicate. It’s interesting how our horoscope sign, which details a lot of our personality, can determine our communication style and God forbid we have any past traumas. Which as you know most of us do. What I have found is that most people don’t communicate from the heart or place of vulnerability. 

How do you feel like you communicate? Like on a scale from 1-10. 10 being, you’re a communication wizard. If you say 10…I call Bullshit. I would say, especially in my marriage, I would give myself a 7 out of 10 for communication. I think a 7 is pretty damn good but it wasn’t always that good. I was definitely on the lower end of that scale if I even made it. In fact, my idea of communicating was calling names, mother fucker being my favorite, and sometimes breaking things. I expressed my feelings by being defensiveness because I didn’t want to hurt or I was deeply hurt and wasn’t going to show that of course, just the fiery anger. I would put a wall up and you had a better chance of winning the mega millions than reaching an understanding with me. While the word mother fucker is still one of my favs I now open my heart, completely open, and share honestly how I feel. 

The lack of my communication skills was the catalyst for why I am a yoga teacher and Reiki practitioner. It is why helping people build confidence, self-love and create a life of joy is so important to me. It sucks not being able to speak your truth or to say how you are feeling effectively. Your relationships with friends, family, and partners suffer when it doesn’t have to. I know it is so scary to tear down that wall we hide behind. It took me a good 8 years in my marriage to do it and I still have a few bricks left. If you have relationships in your life that matter being open and vulnerable is so important. Let me define “that matter.” The ones that matter are the people you truly, at the bottom of your heart love, and they truly, the bottom of their heart love you. 

 Communication can be so much easier if you remember this basic truth: the majority of people just want to be loved and appreciated. Just because people are grouchy does not mean they are not lovable or incapable of giving love. It usually means they need it a little bit more and/or they can’t express how they are feeling. I want to give you 3 quick steps on how to improve your communication. 

1. Accept the fact that you are not always right. Now don’t get mad and click on the x in the corner. Geesh you are a tough one! Believe me, when I tell you this shit is painful for me too but it’s true, and being “right” isn’t important. Being able to listen and have empathy for someone else might help you get off your high horse. Also being able to sincerely apologize is such an important step in a good direction.

2. Don’t be a dick. Being unkind to get your point across is so counterproductive so knock it off. Also continually bringing up the past is also counterproductive. You do realize when you do these two things the person you are engaging with now has their wall sky high, guns probably a blazing, and you are about to get some names like mother fucker dropped on you. Healing from the past was one of the most freeing and enlightening things I have ever done and highly recommend taking steps in that direction. 

3. Put your guard down. Please try to lead your conversations and interactions from a place of love. Remember everyone wants to feel love and appreciated. When you are truly open with someone they get to see the real you and you are love. A big pile of love. It’s so much nicer to communicate with tenderness than a raging devil with horns.