SVADHYAYA

SVADHYAYA – pronounced like SVAD YAYA (click to here for pronunciation) 

Today before teaching my second ever virtual yoga class one of the Niyamas came to mine, SVADHYAYA. I am a rebellious creature, always have been and imagine I always will be. Let me explain… for the past 3 days I have been trying to adhere to the pleads of quarantining and social distancing because of this ratchet Coronavirus.  It feels so uncomfortable to be told what to do and having to listen especially because my health or someone else’s health is on the line. It feels so uncomfortable to read all the bullshit on social media like everyone’s political opinions or opinions in general, “O he did a good job in responding” or “This is what my family is doing or not doing.” It feels like too much…like too much that I wish I never had to read another post helpful or not about this virus. It feels so uncomfortable to not know the outcome, not knowing when my kids will go back to school, not knowing if I am going to make it here with them ALL day for another day and not knowing if when we run out of toilet paper that we will really have to use leaves. 

Yoga has helped me learn to observe, observe myself, my physical and emotional responses and that is what SVADHYAYA means. SVADHYAYA is the self inquiry and observation.  In this place of observing we should view ourselves with eyes of kindness and compassion, allowing all emotions to show up and not pushing them away but to really dig deep to the source.  I am taking this opportunity being stuck like a caged animal to not only practice SVADHYAYA but taking care of my emotional and mental heath, checking in often and making sure I am ok. In my own fears and anxiety I have decided to be grateful for this time of being quarantined.  I really am grateful to live by the beach and in a great little neighborhood to walk my dog aka hims and enjoy fresh air. I am grateful my husband is working from home and he has cut out a 4 hour commute everyday. I am grateful that I am in a business that I can take my classes online and still continue to spend time with people I love being around. I am grateful I might actually have time to spend quality time doing things I love but also quality time with my family instead of running around like a mad person making sure everyone gets here and there. When I focus on feeling grateful I feel less like I’m caged in but allowing myself to embrace and enjoy this change.  

I originally wrote a blog about SVADHYAYA a while ago and still think what I wrote is aligned with today’s observations. Feel free to continue reading below…it’s not like you have anywhere to be unless you need to rush back to social media. : )~ 

I recently had a discussion with a friend about an upcoming presentation I was giving in the upcoming week.  My presentation was teaching meditation and yoga to social workers in the public schools.  As I was giving the run down of bullet points I wanted to teach during this training I mentioned one of them was “Self-Awareness.”  Immediately a light bulb went off. I realized this has to be one of the biggest things I have learned from years of practicing and teaching yoga and meditation. This self-awareness is what changed my life. All these years I had been practicing SVADHYAYA.  I know…. I am sure you are like what is this crazy B talking about now but join me let’s dive into this. 

SVADHYAYA is one of the Niyamas of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras.  Don’t leave yet! This gets really good. SVA means own, self and human soul, ADHYAYA means lesson, lecture or reading and so together it means the practice of “self-study.”  I teach this every single yoga class and didn’t even realize it.  It was this teaching that allowed me to dive inward to myself and understand my patterns, ego and attachments that limit me from my highest self.  I know pretty deep shit here.

Without an honest observation and inquiry into ourselves we are incapable of growing and shedding layers.  These layers are years of thoughts, patterns and self identity. This observation allows us to look out at our strengths, shortcomings, our relationships, habitual patterns and tendencies. Do you ever respond to something and wonder why you behaved that way? 

Not too long ago I was playing a game of checkers with my daughter and she was winning. This set me in a tail spin. I got so heated I began to act like a child.  I mean I seriously was like “I’m not playing anymore.” Yes those actual words came out of my soon to be 40 year old mouth.  I was so mortified about my behavior and really wanted to figure out why I responded like that.  I asked myself “What made you so angry?”…”I don’t want to lose”, “What if you lost why would that upset you so much?”….”Then that would mean I’m a loser and if I am a loser I’m worthless.” I understood immediately what was going on.  My mantra for as long as I can remember  was “You are worthless and no one will ever love you.”  Then I was able to rationalize this.  #1 This mantra is NOT true.  #2 My daughter wanted to play checkers with me because she loves me and wanted to hang out #3 her winning would be an awesome feeling for her and why wouldn’t I want her to experience that.  This may seem like I am being super analytical over a game of checkers but the truth is I am. I acted like an asshole to someone I love more than anything and I want to be a good example to her. I also want to break these patterns and replace that old mantra with kindness and compassion. Of course I apologized to my daughter for behaving like that. 

Svadhyaya is what helped me over the years to grow toward being the best version of myself. 

 Here are some tips to un-layering your bullshit too.  I mean this with all my love and a great sense of humor. 

1. Observe yourself always with kindness and compassion 

2. Acknowledge you can be an asshole (it’s NOT everyone else’s fault). We don’t have control over anyone else anyway. YAY!!! 

3. Ask yourself questions to un-layer the truth beyond any negative responses or feelings. Why did I respond that way? Why does this bother me? etc.  I love asking these questions. This is how you build such a great relationship with yourself. You really start to understand all the things especially if you have experienced trauma in your life. 

4.  Forgive yourself. The last thing we need to do is carry guilt around. We can’t change the past but everyday we get a clean slate to be the best version of ourselves. YAY!!!

5. Love yourself unconditionally. Say  “I LOVE YOU” to yourself just like you would your spouse/significant other and/or your kids. 

Please feel free to share any experiences or observations you’ve made about yourself. I would love to hear from you.

Love & Light, 

Wendy