Sucking at Self-Love?
Yesterday my husband and I were walking down the beach and I, for someone reason, got twisted up about making sure there were pictures of me, too. If you are a Mom you know we are the photo takers and very rarely in photos unless maybe you protest like I did. Of course my husband agreed to take some pictures of me so I posed as naturally as possibly still a bit irritated. Once the photo shoot was over, I looked at the pictures and it about put me in a rage. I was so pissed; there was no thought in the angles of the picture that could of made me look slimmer, or maybe not taking a picture so close up you can see the remnants of two children and all the pounds of sugar I’ve ever put into my body and don’t get me started on the lighting that somehow showed every bit of my age. What an asshole right? No, not my non-photographer husband…ME.
After I had a borderline breakdown and started going to a place of sadness and horrible self talk, thankfully I’ve been taking training on self-inquiry and observation of thy self so I asked myself “What is this really about?”and “Why can’t you look at yourself with love?”. What an interesting inquiry. There is so much pressure to be beautiful by others’ standards, and no I don’t know who those others are, but they are in my head looking at me with judgement. Sounds so stupid when I actually read it aloud. As I scroll through my Facebook and Instagram, there are so many people selling us on work out programs, shakes, diets, picture after picture of bikinis, tight buns, perfect abs and I just shut down. Just for the record I don’t have any judgement against these folks because we have one thing in common….Self Love, whether the motivation is an abundance of it or the lack of it or a happy middle. It’s all about feeling good about oneself, right?
I’ve been reading a book called “Physician of the Soul”, A Modern Kabbalist’s Approach to Health and Healing. Yes! I read crazy shit like this all the time because I love enlightenment. Anyway, an entry in this book says “Try to practice good emotions. Living courageously instead of angrily. Cultivate inner peace. Choose positively and release your anger. Live calmly and try to help God build a better world right here on Earth.” This got me thinking about those silly pictures and the reflection in the mirror. I chose to look at myself in a negative way and pick myself apart. The moment I start looking at myself through a different lens I am able to see the true me. The loving, kind-hearted, hopefully funny, ME. That’s the only person I care to be. A perfect body is not going to make me God serving or more loving to other people and that’s a huge part of who I am. It’s not going to help me take a better picture of nature and love photography anymore. It doesn’t inhibit me from doing a yoga pose and currently Warrior is my favorite, that’s my I’m a bad you know what pose and I love that pose because of the way it makes me feel not how I look in it. Those are things that give me happiness and joy. That place of “I am” is the place where I find comfort, confidence, beauty and motivation.
If you, like me, ever look at yourself with less than all the love you have to give… Change your lens. You get to chose how you look and feel about yourself, that freedom is wonderful and empowering. Another words… Don’t look off your own yoga mat onto someone else’s, their mat is none of your business. Let your mat be filled with light and love. Namaste’
Crash and Burn Idiot
